“If you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”
Henry Ford

You are a smart donkey

An old story with a current message: Having dirt dumped on you can get you out of a tight spot.

A farmer’s donkey fell into a well. The farmer did everything he could to figure out how to lift the donkey out, but there was no way. It was too deep and the farmer’s equipment was unable to lift that much weight. He called his neighbors to come and help him figure out a way.

The donkey was whining and crying. None of the farmers had hoisting equipment strong enough to lift it out. After many hours of creative idea casting and trying, they decided he would have to die in the well. The farmer sent them home, then reluctantly, slowly started shoveling dirt into the well, feeling awful with every shovel full.

At first the donkey cried and whined even louder. It didn’t like dirt dumped on it, so it shook it off and stomped on it. With each shovel full the farmer dropped into the well, the donkey shook it off and became calmer. It was a very smart animal. As it stepped on each shovel full of dirt, the donkey was eventually raised up. After many hours of shoveling, it was able to step out of the well.

Moral of the story: when dirt is dumped on you, use it to lift you up and out of your difficult situation. 
   

Introverts are outgoing, too

“There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert. Such a person would be in the lunatic asylum.” Carl Jung

I continue to meet introverts who extrovert themselves to thrive in their workplace. These Quiet Leaders (QLs) are quiet at their core, yet speak up, take action, successfully lead teams and companies. 

QLs are managers, VPs, CEOs, and leaders without a title, who accomplish goals with and through others. Some QLs prefer to work independently. Either way, they do their best when they can think before acting. But that doesn’t mean they can’t respond quickly.

An outstanding introverted business owner said, “Sure I can respond in the moment, and I often do, but if you want my best work, give me time to think about my answer. Then we’ll both be more satisfied with the outcome.”

Some QLs push themselves to be more outgoing to get the job done. A QL director at a global company said she had to stretch herself as she was growing in her career. Eventually, she became more comfortable walking into a room filled with people she didn’t know, expressing her opinions in meetings. She, like most accomplished leaders, learned more about herself from every failure and success. Now she knows she’s at her best when she has time on her calendar to re-energize.  

QLs are successful in all types of industries. Well-knowns include: Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg, Marissa Mayer, J. K. Rowling, Meryl Streep, Eleanor Roosevelt, Abe Lincoln. Millions more do good work every day without seeking attention. Years ago I read that Bill Gates would take a pile of yellow pads and a box of pens and head out to the woods for a week alone. That was how he did his best thinking. Alone.  

The QLs I coach are ambitious go-getters who have achieved much in their own unique way to get where they are today. They want to be more aware of the behaviors and blind spots that may be their leadership stumbling blocks. In our calm, confidential coaching sessions, they get candid feedback, develop their ideas and identify next steps. When they act on their commitments, they experience growth beyond their expectations.  

If you are or know a QL who would benefit from drawing out their innate strengths, I have a few six-month coaching packages opening this summer. They can email me at mary@maryTscott.com to schedule a 20-minute call to see if coaching with me would be a good fit for them.

Now, go block some time on your calendar to re-energize in a way that works for you.

Work with people you don't like

When I was in Beijing last month, the participants in my program (all women) had the opportunity to ask a panel of directors (all women) any questions they wanted that would be of value to the group. The group consisted of managers and high level individual contributors with potential to be future leaders at this global company. The panelists were with the company for years, each with unique backgrounds, representing operations, technology and finance.

A question the group asked was: How do you deal with people you don’t like?

Three directors, three personalities, three answers:

Director #1:  Find something to like about the person and focus on that. Everyone has something good in them or something they do that you can find to like. When you do that, it shifts the way you think, and enables you to work better with that person.  

Director #2:  She doesn’t like working with people she doesn’t like, so she avoids them whenever she can.

Director #3:  Find something you like about the person, because you have to work with them, so why resist it? She had a peer who always was at odds with whatever she said or did. She decided to do something about it instead of continuing to allow it to frustrate her. She called and invited that colleague for a cup of coffee so she could get to know her better. They talked about their differences and began to understand each other’s perspectives. Now, a couple of years later, they view each other as trusted allies, they know they can get candid feedback from each other on any topic. They went from being adversaries to becoming friends. It has made a real difference in the way they work.  

Which of the three do you think will be the most successful leader in the future?

If you have to work with someone you view as difficult, figure out a way to get to know what’s really on their mind. What causes them to think and act the way they do? Ask in a 1:1 conversation what they think is going well / not well. Then listen – really listen. Without interrupting. Without interjecting your opinion. Let them know you are genuinely interested in their perspective. By asking for their pros / cons, you are letting them
know you are open to hearing their view of the positives and negatives. You’re not just looking for one side.

 

You may want to think about their input before responding. If so, say you’d like to do that. You don’t have to respond at the moment. Tell them you respect their candor and want to give their views some thought. Then do that. And definitely get back with them. It could be the beginning of a rich dialog that opens up thinking on both sides.

One hop at a time

He hopped on one leg all the way to the water. With ease, strength, confidence. A friend at his side carried a surf board. Until they were knee high in the water. Then it was his.

I was mesmerized by his hopping as my friend and I approached on our four-mile walk along the beach. We had two legs. He had one. Yet he was stronger in many more ways.

Then I saw the leg leaning casually against a chair. Awaiting his return. I was in awe of this man with one leg. Learning to surf.

It made me think, he’s achieving a goal one hop at a time. I can do that, too. 

A couple of stories came to mind.

---Don Bennett, the first amputee to reach the top of Mt. Rainier, battled many challenges to achieve his goal. He did it not just to prove to himself that he could, but to demonstrate to other amputees that they, too, could achieve more than they thought they could.

---Anurima Sinha, shoved from a train in India, then run over by it and left for dead, determined that she would not be pitied for the rest of her life. She became the first female amputee to reach the top of Mt. Everest. (fascinating story)

Both are inspirational. As is my surfer dude.

Being inspirational comes from doing your best, despite challenges and setbacks. Each of us does that. And each of us has more potential within than we give ourselves credit for. We carry around thoughts and ideas that energize us. But then fear, lack of confidence, lack of time, too many priorities, or maybe a fuzzy vision instead of a clear path, holds us back from achieving what we feel called to do.  

For Bennett, Sinha and my surfer dude, their mindset drew them toward their goal. They probably pictured themselves achieving it a million times before getting there. Mindset alone didn’t do it, though. Certainly it stimulated and fortified them. Action took them there. Specific action, broken into achievable steps.

As I think of my goals and challenges compared to what they and others deal with daily, I have nothing to complain about. Nothing. Nada.

I will achieve what is mine to do...one hop at a time.     

 

Your Words Count

I received three cents change yesterday -- three of the shiniest pennies I've ever seen.

Those three shiny pennies made me smile as they reminded me of my mastermind group. I love that group. Three director and associate director level women who have been meeting with me for over a year.

One of my masterminders (I'll call her Leela to protect her anonymity) was asked to speak to a professional women's group at her company.

She told them there is more power in their words than they realize. And the words they choose to express appreciation may have impact far beyond their expectations.

More than 18 years ago, Leela had a boss who expressed appreciation minimally. She believed people were paid to do a job and didn't need to be praised for doing it. When Leela accepted a transfer with the company to another state and told her boss she would be leaving, her boss said, "I am excited for you and disappointed...I'm disappointed because you are my "shiny penny." Leela questioned what she meant. Her boss said she could always depend on Leela to do the right thing, and her conscientious can-do spirit positively influenced everyone in the office. Leela stood out from the rest, like a "shiny penny," and her boss was going to miss that.

Leela was surprised and touched. Now 18 years later that conversation is still vivid in her mind. She pays it forward by using shiny pennies to compliment others. She pastes one to a card, writes a note and sends it to someone who deserves recognition. She doesn't wait until they are leaving to let them know how much they are appreciated.

Leela believes we all start out as shiny pennies. I do, too! Over time, some get dulled from use, some get tossed into a jar and left for years without growing, some even get run over.

On my way back from a walk this morning, I picked up a very shabby penny in the street. It had been through a lot in its life, but despite the grime and scratched edges, a bit of shine peaked through. It made me think how - each of us - no matter how beaten up or dulled we become - we still have a shiny penny within us.

You are a shiny penny. And your words count.

Stacked too tight?

Notice the spaces in this wall. Some might think it is flawed workmanship. Au contraire. The spaces between the boulders in this protective wall around Tokyo’s Imperial Palace are intentional to withstand earthquake tremors. Frequent occurrences, I understand, but hopefully not while I’m here!  

Let's apply this concept to our lives. Building space into our daily patterns will strengthen us to withstand unexpected tremors and life quakes.

Being intentional about these breaks will make us more resilient. In the long run, we'll better protect what's most important.

 

When life rocks our foundation, which it inevitably will, we can remain strong and resilient. Stacked too tight, we're going to crumble.