Performing is short-lived

One of my mentees has been very candid about the way she feels about speaking to large groups. It gives her the hee bee gee bees. We talked about how doing it more will make it easier. Now she's pushing herself to speak to groups, even seeking opportunities. After a recent presentation, she realized that when she thinks about the audience and what will help them understand her message instead of thinking about herself and what she looks like, sounds like, she has a much more positive experience. Her audience is more responsive.

A lot has to do with how we view our situation. Are we performing or are we having an experience? Peter Bregman, my favorite Harvard Business Review blogger, writes:

"If you view life as a performance, your failures will be so painful and terrifying that you will stop experimenting. But if you view life as an experience, your failures are just part of that experience.
What makes a performance different than an experience? It's all in your head.

Are you trying to look good? Do you want to impress others or win something? Are you looking for acceptance, approval, accolades, wild thunderous applause? Is it painful when you don't get those things? You're probably performing.

If you're experiencing, on the other hand, you're exploring what something feels like. Trying to see what would happen if...

When you're experiencing, you can appreciate negative outcomes as well as positive ones. Sure, acceptance and approval and accolades feel good, but those things don't determine success. Success is based on whether you fully immerse yourself in the experience, no matter how it turns out, and whether you learn from it. That's a result you can always achieve regardless of the outcome.

When you're performing, your success is disturbingly short-lived. As soon as you've achieved one milestone or received a particular standing ovation, it's no longer relevant. Your unending question is: what's next?

When you're experiencing though, it's not about the end result, it's about the moment. You're not pursuing a feeling after, you're having a feeling during. You can't be manipulated by a fickle, outside measure because you're motivated by a stable internal one.

Read the article:
http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2013/01/stop-focusing-on-your-performa.html