Put your whole self into it

When I facilitated a program for women in Moscow and London on thinking strategically about their career, they had the same work/life balance issues as women in the U.S. 



President Putin's helicopter pad at Kremlin.

• striving to do their best on every project
• determined to be confident, in control, yet not lose their true self
• wondering how to progress toward higher levels when juggling work and home life is a challenge now

I had to chuckle when they said women in the U.S. have more confidence and fewer challenges working their way up in organizations. If they only knew how many women I know who wish they had it easier making an impact in their organizations! I assured them that what they are experiencing is universal.

A woman I’m coaching did something I think is genius. She’s a self-propelled dynamo always setting goals for herself and making lists so she can check them off. When her manager asked for her third quarter plan, instead of including only her work goals, she added her personal goals for the quarter.

• eat healthful snacks daily
• run or workout 1 hour/day to prepare for half-marathon in December
• get 8 hours sleep 5 nights/week

Submitting her quarterly plan with her personal goals noted at the bottom generated conversations about what is important to her whole-person success. Her manager understands her better. She keeps her professional and personal goals top of mind throughout the quarter. And she feels a greater sense of accomplishment as she checks off what is most important to being her true self.

I’m creating a 4th quarter plan with professional and personal goals to help me keep them all top of mind. I'm picturing myself on New Year's Eve toasting to the progress I made. Why don't you join me! 

    

Hold a plank

I held a plank position for 1 minute today. That doesn't sound like much, but it's hard! My goal for April is to increase it to 2 minutes daily. It will strengthen my shoulders, wrists, core, legs and mental state. And that's what I'm after. To make sure I do it, I've put it on my calendar and have an accountability partner, my friend Sooz. She's committed to do it daily, too. We'll email each other each day after it's done. These built in reminders will help me stick to it. I know I'll be stronger on April 30!      

No, that's not me...yet. It's from http://health.howstuffworks.com/wellness/diet-fitness/exercise/core-abdominal-and-lower-back-exercises10.htm

 

Biking again

Jack and I rode our bikes about 5 miles Sunday afternoon. First time in about 20 years! Felt great. Loved it. I’m so grateful we could ride without hesitation or fear. It felt natural to be riding again. I blocked out thoughts of when I did a power slide onto gravel, wearing shorts, when I was a kid. Instead, I focused on how good it felt, the breeze, warmth, beautiful scenery. When I struggled going up a hill in Winter Park (yes, there are hills in flat Florida), I started counting my pedaling. When it got harder and I didn’t like how I was feeling, I started praying the Hail Mary in time with my pedaling and shifted my thinking to ‘I can do this.’ It worked! Just like when I get in a jam or frustrated, I talk to God or say a prayer and shift my thoughts to a more positive perspective. It makes such a difference. I’m so grateful for that.

I took a 2 mile spin around the neighborhood this morning – I think I’m hooked.   

Performing is short-lived

One of my mentees has been very candid about the way she feels about speaking to large groups. It gives her the hee bee gee bees. We talked about how doing it more will make it easier. Now she's pushing herself to speak to groups, even seeking opportunities. After a recent presentation, she realized that when she thinks about the audience and what will help them understand her message instead of thinking about herself and what she looks like, sounds like, she has a much more positive experience. Her audience is more responsive.

A lot has to do with how we view our situation. Are we performing or are we having an experience? Peter Bregman, my favorite Harvard Business Review blogger, writes:

"If you view life as a performance, your failures will be so painful and terrifying that you will stop experimenting. But if you view life as an experience, your failures are just part of that experience.
What makes a performance different than an experience? It's all in your head.

Are you trying to look good? Do you want to impress others or win something? Are you looking for acceptance, approval, accolades, wild thunderous applause? Is it painful when you don't get those things? You're probably performing.

If you're experiencing, on the other hand, you're exploring what something feels like. Trying to see what would happen if...

When you're experiencing, you can appreciate negative outcomes as well as positive ones. Sure, acceptance and approval and accolades feel good, but those things don't determine success. Success is based on whether you fully immerse yourself in the experience, no matter how it turns out, and whether you learn from it. That's a result you can always achieve regardless of the outcome.

When you're performing, your success is disturbingly short-lived. As soon as you've achieved one milestone or received a particular standing ovation, it's no longer relevant. Your unending question is: what's next?

When you're experiencing though, it's not about the end result, it's about the moment. You're not pursuing a feeling after, you're having a feeling during. You can't be manipulated by a fickle, outside measure because you're motivated by a stable internal one.

Read the article:
http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2013/01/stop-focusing-on-your-performa.html

What holds you back

Most of us hold on to something that holds us back -- a habit that doesn’t serve us well, a commitment that is no longer right for us.

A few weeks ago, my journal opened to a page I had not seen in months -- a mindmap I created after reading What Got You Here Won’t Get You Thereby Marshall Goldsmith. I liked his 20 habits that hold you backand captured them to use in the future.

What hit me right between the eyes was the note I had written to myself:
Key for me: Know what to stop.

I knew why my journal opened to that page. I was struggling with a project I created months ago, unable to finish it. Part of me wanted to stop spending time on it, use that time for bigger future-oriented work, but the other voice in my head (my ego) didn’t want me to ‘quit,’ disappoint others. Whenever I sat down to work on it, soon I’d have ‘monkey brain,’ swinging from one thing to another, focusing instead on what I really wanted to do. It was a mental tug of war, and I was the rope.

‘Know what to stop’ was meant for me that day. I decided then and there that I would stop the project and move on. It was freeing. It was the right thing to do. The handout I’ve been using will suffice, I do not have to write an Outlook 2010 book. Instead I’m focusing on Elevate the Leader in You.

What can you stop doing that will catapult you forward? Not sure? Ask your colleagues, friends, boss, family members, coach to be candid with you and tell you one thing you are doing that is holding you back. Listen. Thank them. Think about what you heard. Then pick one and stop doing it. It will feel right and will move you toward being who you are truly meant to be.

1,940 things to go

Jack and I committed to giving away or throwing away 2012 items this year. At first I didn't think we could possibly get rid of that many things in our home, but I think it's definitely doable now. We're down to 1,940. I just cleaned out 30 boxes of tea (I used to drink it and many were gifts), and various other food items that were beyond their expiration date. I'd like to say getting rid of 2012 things was my original idea, but it came from our dear friend Ashley who is always challenging herself to measurable outcomes. This one intrigued me because we've been talking about cleaning out the garage (but haven't tackled it yet) for years. I knew having a # and date goal would incent me to let things go. It really has helped! We're keeping a tab in a polka-dot pad in the kitchen so we are reminded every time we see it. It's actually fun to look at things I would normally overlook and think -- we haven't used that, or I really don't like that, and let it go!    

This works

When I'm feeling stuck about something, want to move forward but something holds me back, I use these 5 steps to get my thoughts in order and get energized about what has to be done. I call it VW PAR. I've used this process for years, for myself and my clients, but gave it a name only last year. I'm passing it on so that you can benefit from it, too.   

VWPAR

1) Visualize: Picture what you want to have happen, the result, not the problem. Picture yourself blasting past the challenge to a fantastic finish. See yourself finishing successfully, being the real you. What does that finish look like, feel like, sound like, taste like, smell like? Picture it in detail.

2) Write what you pictured. Start your sentences with "I am..." to put it in present tense, or "I have..." as if you already accomplished it. If you have a hard time starting, particularly if you don’t like to write, then write whatever comes to mind to get the junk out of your head. Once the surface stuff is out, you will be surprised at what comes to mind. Thoughts you would not have had otherwise will bubble up.

3) Prioritize: Write the actions you will take, then number them. Often it's not what you write first that has to be done first. 

4) Act: Do what you prioritized.

5) Reflect: Think about what you accomplished. What went well, what you will do again or differently next time. Visualize yourself doing an outstanding job with it. Then start VWPAR for your next goal!

VWPAR has worked for my clients and for me for years. For big and little things. I hope it helps you, too. 

Reflection Riding

This is one of my favorite photos from our trip to Chattanooga last weekend, taken at Reflection Riding, a nature center surrounded by natural beauty. It reminds me of the transition from old to new, looking from what's current, dieing off, to the promise of new growth and beauty in the near future. We just have to step into it.

We were delighted by these 3 horses, led out from the barn in mid-afternoon. As soon as they were let loose, the two black ones threw themselves on the their backs, rolling in the grass, obviously enjoying themselves. After the white one munched a while he did the same. Happy to be free to do as they pleased.  

Friends that do

We had a wonderful weekend in Ooltewah, TN, with our dear friends Beverly & Bill. At 82 and 85, they are going strong, volunteering, caring for others who are ill, driving, cooking, delivering, playing cards and word games with friends, and very active in their church. What role models they are for active aging! Both are avid readers, enjoy going new places, discussing current events, maintain relationships with family and friends their age and younger (like us!). They are flattered that we want to spend time with them, yet we feel honored to be among their friends and hope we will be as vibrant as they are as we age. Their key to success? They always give of themselves, do for others, are open to others’ perspectives, willing to give the benefit of the doubt, pray for those they love and those they are concerned about. They say they don’t do anything special, but the difference is that they “do” – they don’t just think or talk about it, they take action. They never stop learning. That’s what I want to be like as I to grow up.