Most of us hold on to something that holds us back -- a habit that doesn’t serve us well, a commitment that is no longer right for us.
A few weeks ago, my journal opened to a page I had not seen in months -- a mindmap I created after reading What Got You Here Won’t Get You Thereby Marshall Goldsmith. I liked his 20 habits that hold you backand captured them to use in the future.
What hit me right between the eyes was the note I had written to myself:
Key for me: Know what to stop.
I knew why my journal opened to that page. I was struggling with a project I created months ago, unable to finish it. Part of me wanted to stop spending time on it, use that time for bigger future-oriented work, but the other voice in my head (my ego) didn’t want me to ‘quit,’ disappoint others. Whenever I sat down to work on it, soon I’d have ‘monkey brain,’ swinging from one thing to another, focusing instead on what I really wanted to do. It was a mental tug of war, and I was the rope.
‘Know what to stop’ was meant for me that day. I decided then and there that I would stop the project and move on. It was freeing. It was the right thing to do. The handout I’ve been using will suffice, I do not have to write an Outlook 2010 book. Instead I’m focusing on Elevate the Leader in You.
What can you stop doing that will catapult you forward? Not sure? Ask your colleagues, friends, boss, family members, coach to be candid with you and tell you one thing you are doing that is holding you back. Listen. Thank them. Think about what you heard. Then pick one and stop doing it. It will feel right and will move you toward being who you are truly meant to be.
When I'm feeling stuck about something, want to move forward but something holds me back, I use these 5 steps to get my thoughts in order and get energized about what has to be done. I call it VW PAR. I've used this process for years, for myself and my clients, but gave it a name only last year. I'm passing it on so that you can benefit from it, too.
VWPAR
1) Visualize: Picture what you want to have happen, the result, not the problem. Picture yourself blasting past the challenge to a fantastic finish. See yourself finishing successfully, being the real you. What does that finish look like, feel like, sound like, taste like, smell like? Picture it in detail.
2) Write what you pictured. Start your sentences with "I am..." to put it in present tense, or "I have..." as if you already accomplished it. If you have a hard time starting, particularly if you don’t like to write, then write whatever comes to mind to get the junk out of your head. Once the surface stuff is out, you will be surprised at what comes to mind. Thoughts you would not have had otherwise will bubble up.
3) Prioritize: Write the actions you will take, then number them. Often it's not what you write first that has to be done first.
4) Act: Do what you prioritized.
5) Reflect: Think about what you accomplished. What went well, what you will do again or differently next time. Visualize yourself doing an outstanding job with it. Then start VWPAR for your next goal!
VWPAR has worked for my clients and for me for years. For big and little things. I hope it helps you, too.
I knew why my journal opened to that page. I was struggling with a project I created months ago, unable to finish it. Part of me wanted to stop spending time on it, use that time for bigger future-oriented work, but the other voice in my head (my ego) didn’t want me to ‘quit,’ disappoint others. Whenever I sat down to work on it, soon I’d have ‘monkey brain,’ swinging from one thing to another, focusing instead on what I really wanted to do. It was a mental tug of war, and I was the rope. 
