Work with people you don't like

When I was in Beijing last month, the participants in my program (all women) had the opportunity to ask a panel of directors (all women) any questions they wanted that would be of value to the group. The group consisted of managers and high level individual contributors with potential to be future leaders at this global company. The panelists were with the company for years, each with unique backgrounds, representing operations, technology and finance.

A question the group asked was: How do you deal with people you don’t like?

Three directors, three personalities, three answers:

Director #1:  Find something to like about the person and focus on that. Everyone has something good in them or something they do that you can find to like. When you do that, it shifts the way you think, and enables you to work better with that person.  

Director #2:  She doesn’t like working with people she doesn’t like, so she avoids them whenever she can.

Director #3:  Find something you like about the person, because you have to work with them, so why resist it? She had a peer who always was at odds with whatever she said or did. She decided to do something about it instead of continuing to allow it to frustrate her. She called and invited that colleague for a cup of coffee so she could get to know her better. They talked about their differences and began to understand each other’s perspectives. Now, a couple of years later, they view each other as trusted allies, they know they can get candid feedback from each other on any topic. They went from being adversaries to becoming friends. It has made a real difference in the way they work.  

Which of the three do you think will be the most successful leader in the future?

If you have to work with someone you view as difficult, figure out a way to get to know what’s really on their mind. What causes them to think and act the way they do? Ask in a 1:1 conversation what they think is going well / not well. Then listen – really listen. Without interrupting. Without interjecting your opinion. Let them know you are genuinely interested in their perspective. By asking for their pros / cons, you are letting them
know you are open to hearing their view of the positives and negatives. You’re not just looking for one side.

 

You may want to think about their input before responding. If so, say you’d like to do that. You don’t have to respond at the moment. Tell them you respect their candor and want to give their views some thought. Then do that. And definitely get back with them. It could be the beginning of a rich dialog that opens up thinking on both sides.

One hop at a time

He hopped on one leg all the way to the water. With ease, strength, confidence. A friend at his side carried a surf board. Until they were knee high in the water. Then it was his.

I was mesmerized by his hopping as my friend and I approached on our four-mile walk along the beach. We had two legs. He had one. Yet he was stronger in many more ways.

Then I saw the leg leaning casually against a chair. Awaiting his return. I was in awe of this man with one leg. Learning to surf.

It made me think, he’s achieving a goal one hop at a time. I can do that, too. 

A couple of stories came to mind.

---Don Bennett, the first amputee to reach the top of Mt. Rainier, battled many challenges to achieve his goal. He did it not just to prove to himself that he could, but to demonstrate to other amputees that they, too, could achieve more than they thought they could.

---Anurima Sinha, shoved from a train in India, then run over by it and left for dead, determined that she would not be pitied for the rest of her life. She became the first female amputee to reach the top of Mt. Everest. (fascinating story)

Both are inspirational. As is my surfer dude.

Being inspirational comes from doing your best, despite challenges and setbacks. Each of us does that. And each of us has more potential within than we give ourselves credit for. We carry around thoughts and ideas that energize us. But then fear, lack of confidence, lack of time, too many priorities, or maybe a fuzzy vision instead of a clear path, holds us back from achieving what we feel called to do.  

For Bennett, Sinha and my surfer dude, their mindset drew them toward their goal. They probably pictured themselves achieving it a million times before getting there. Mindset alone didn’t do it, though. Certainly it stimulated and fortified them. Action took them there. Specific action, broken into achievable steps.

As I think of my goals and challenges compared to what they and others deal with daily, I have nothing to complain about. Nothing. Nada.

I will achieve what is mine to do...one hop at a time.     

 

Your Words Count

I received three cents change yesterday -- three of the shiniest pennies I've ever seen.

Those three shiny pennies made me smile as they reminded me of my mastermind group. I love that group. Three director and associate director level women who have been meeting with me for over a year.

One of my masterminders (I'll call her Leela to protect her anonymity) was asked to speak to a professional women's group at her company.

She told them there is more power in their words than they realize. And the words they choose to express appreciation may have impact far beyond their expectations.

More than 18 years ago, Leela had a boss who expressed appreciation minimally. She believed people were paid to do a job and didn't need to be praised for doing it. When Leela accepted a transfer with the company to another state and told her boss she would be leaving, her boss said, "I am excited for you and disappointed...I'm disappointed because you are my "shiny penny." Leela questioned what she meant. Her boss said she could always depend on Leela to do the right thing, and her conscientious can-do spirit positively influenced everyone in the office. Leela stood out from the rest, like a "shiny penny," and her boss was going to miss that.

Leela was surprised and touched. Now 18 years later that conversation is still vivid in her mind. She pays it forward by using shiny pennies to compliment others. She pastes one to a card, writes a note and sends it to someone who deserves recognition. She doesn't wait until they are leaving to let them know how much they are appreciated.

Leela believes we all start out as shiny pennies. I do, too! Over time, some get dulled from use, some get tossed into a jar and left for years without growing, some even get run over.

On my way back from a walk this morning, I picked up a very shabby penny in the street. It had been through a lot in its life, but despite the grime and scratched edges, a bit of shine peaked through. It made me think how - each of us - no matter how beaten up or dulled we become - we still have a shiny penny within us.

You are a shiny penny. And your words count.

Stacked too tight?

Notice the spaces in this wall. Some might think it is flawed workmanship. Au contraire. The spaces between the boulders in this protective wall around Tokyo’s Imperial Palace are intentional to withstand earthquake tremors. Frequent occurrences, I understand, but hopefully not while I’m here!  

Let's apply this concept to our lives. Building space into our daily patterns will strengthen us to withstand unexpected tremors and life quakes.

Being intentional about these breaks will make us more resilient. In the long run, we'll better protect what's most important.

 

When life rocks our foundation, which it inevitably will, we can remain strong and resilient. Stacked too tight, we're going to crumble.  

 

 

 

 



Be You

From the women I met in Norway last week to the men I met in Jamaica last month, they all had one thing In common: a desire to be their best self. Although different in age, type of organization, level of experience, they were similar at their core. We focused on what they could do to bring out more of their best.

We all strive to be who we believe we have the potential to be. But stuff gets in our way. Negative thinking. Other priorities. Comparing ourselves. Habits we allow to capture our attention.

What I want for you now and in the new year is this.
Open up the real you.
Untie the wrapping. You carry more precious gifts within. Be you.
 
Connect with what you believe is possible for you. Pay attention to it. Nurture it. Set it free.

No one else has your passions, your goals, your aspirations.  
Your thoughts are unique.
Your perspectives are unique.
Your potential is unique.

You have much to contribute in your own way.
Believe in you.

Make 2014 your year to ….. (fill it in).

I believe you have it in you to do it. I’m here for you when you’re ready to make it happen.  

Put your whole self into it

When I facilitated a program for women in Moscow and London on thinking strategically about their career, they had the same work/life balance issues as women in the U.S. 



President Putin's helicopter pad at Kremlin.

• striving to do their best on every project
• determined to be confident, in control, yet not lose their true self
• wondering how to progress toward higher levels when juggling work and home life is a challenge now

I had to chuckle when they said women in the U.S. have more confidence and fewer challenges working their way up in organizations. If they only knew how many women I know who wish they had it easier making an impact in their organizations! I assured them that what they are experiencing is universal.

A woman I’m coaching did something I think is genius. She’s a self-propelled dynamo always setting goals for herself and making lists so she can check them off. When her manager asked for her third quarter plan, instead of including only her work goals, she added her personal goals for the quarter.

• eat healthful snacks daily
• run or workout 1 hour/day to prepare for half-marathon in December
• get 8 hours sleep 5 nights/week

Submitting her quarterly plan with her personal goals noted at the bottom generated conversations about what is important to her whole-person success. Her manager understands her better. She keeps her professional and personal goals top of mind throughout the quarter. And she feels a greater sense of accomplishment as she checks off what is most important to being her true self.

I’m creating a 4th quarter plan with professional and personal goals to help me keep them all top of mind. I'm picturing myself on New Year's Eve toasting to the progress I made. Why don't you join me! 

    

Do you think you can

Years ago no one could run a 4-minute mile. Folklore says the ancient Greeks tried some harrowing approaches, like lions chasing men, to make them run faster. It was believed man could not beat a 4-minute mile. Then in the 1950s, Roger Bannister, a young man growing up in England, ran everywhere instead of walking because he loved to run so much. In college he trained to run faster. At one point he spent ½ hour daily trying to beat his own time. He believed he could run faster and worked at it. Get that? He believed he could and worked at it. He broke the record in 1954. Prior to that, doctors said it was humanly impossible. Soon after, another Brit ran faster than a 4-minute mile. Within a year, hundreds around the world did it. Once they realized it was possible, they were inspired and committed to do it themselves.

What are you capable of that you're not doing?
What do you believe that you're keeping under wraps?
Your mindset, assumptions, belief in possibilities, visioning yourself doing it and working diligently at it are the keys to making it happen.

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." ― Henry Ford