Be You

From the women I met in Norway last week to the men I met in Jamaica last month, they all had one thing In common: a desire to be their best self. Although different in age, type of organization, level of experience, they were similar at their core. We focused on what they could do to bring out more of their best.

We all strive to be who we believe we have the potential to be. But stuff gets in our way. Negative thinking. Other priorities. Comparing ourselves. Habits we allow to capture our attention.

What I want for you now and in the new year is this.
Open up the real you.
Untie the wrapping. You carry more precious gifts within. Be you.
 
Connect with what you believe is possible for you. Pay attention to it. Nurture it. Set it free.

No one else has your passions, your goals, your aspirations.  
Your thoughts are unique.
Your perspectives are unique.
Your potential is unique.

You have much to contribute in your own way.
Believe in you.

Make 2014 your year to ….. (fill it in).

I believe you have it in you to do it. I’m here for you when you’re ready to make it happen.  

Put your whole self into it

When I facilitated a program for women in Moscow and London on thinking strategically about their career, they had the same work/life balance issues as women in the U.S. 



President Putin's helicopter pad at Kremlin.

• striving to do their best on every project
• determined to be confident, in control, yet not lose their true self
• wondering how to progress toward higher levels when juggling work and home life is a challenge now

I had to chuckle when they said women in the U.S. have more confidence and fewer challenges working their way up in organizations. If they only knew how many women I know who wish they had it easier making an impact in their organizations! I assured them that what they are experiencing is universal.

A woman I’m coaching did something I think is genius. She’s a self-propelled dynamo always setting goals for herself and making lists so she can check them off. When her manager asked for her third quarter plan, instead of including only her work goals, she added her personal goals for the quarter.

• eat healthful snacks daily
• run or workout 1 hour/day to prepare for half-marathon in December
• get 8 hours sleep 5 nights/week

Submitting her quarterly plan with her personal goals noted at the bottom generated conversations about what is important to her whole-person success. Her manager understands her better. She keeps her professional and personal goals top of mind throughout the quarter. And she feels a greater sense of accomplishment as she checks off what is most important to being her true self.

I’m creating a 4th quarter plan with professional and personal goals to help me keep them all top of mind. I'm picturing myself on New Year's Eve toasting to the progress I made. Why don't you join me! 

    

Do you think you can

Years ago no one could run a 4-minute mile. Folklore says the ancient Greeks tried some harrowing approaches, like lions chasing men, to make them run faster. It was believed man could not beat a 4-minute mile. Then in the 1950s, Roger Bannister, a young man growing up in England, ran everywhere instead of walking because he loved to run so much. In college he trained to run faster. At one point he spent ½ hour daily trying to beat his own time. He believed he could run faster and worked at it. Get that? He believed he could and worked at it. He broke the record in 1954. Prior to that, doctors said it was humanly impossible. Soon after, another Brit ran faster than a 4-minute mile. Within a year, hundreds around the world did it. Once they realized it was possible, they were inspired and committed to do it themselves.

What are you capable of that you're not doing?
What do you believe that you're keeping under wraps?
Your mindset, assumptions, belief in possibilities, visioning yourself doing it and working diligently at it are the keys to making it happen.

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." ― Henry Ford

 

The ultimate entrepreneur, Mother Teresa

When I do my Believe in You seminar, my example for “Express your true goals” is Mother Teresa. She exemplifies:  

• express what you truly want to accomplish
• listen to your inner guide
• be open to possibilities not in your original plan

All Mother Teresa wanted to do was become a nun and teach. She achieved that. But when she rode the school bus to chaperone students picked up at their homes, her world changed. On those early morning rides, she saw poor families waking up on the streets of Calcutta. What really grabbed her heart were the trucks scooping up those who had died during the night. She felt compelled to do something. She asked her Mother Superior, but the answer was no. Their convent and school were set up to teach, with limited funding. They could not care for the poor, too. Mother Teresa understood but was frustrated.

She pondered, prayed and visualized what she could do. Then went to Mother Superior again. She was told that if she wanted to work with the poor she’d have to leave their nunnery because that was not their mission. She continued teaching, with the people of the streets on her mind. One day traveling by train, the little voice within her (we all have one) said clearly and directly that she had to care for them.

She resigned, not a simple thing to do. Left the comfort of her nunnery. With one white sari and one coin in her pocket, she walked out to the streets she had traveled by school bus. Her reputation spread as she tended to those dying in the streets where they lived. She begged at homes and businesses for money and supplies. She truly cared, could be trusted, had no hidden agenda. Soon, a few former students gave up what they had and worked alongside her. Thus began the Missionaries of Charity.

Mother Teresa became an international phenomenon caring for the poorest of the poor so they could die with dignity. She was the little nun that could. A humble powerhouse, with a vision brought to life.

The ultimate entrepreneur: she saw a need, visualized possibilities, believed she could make a difference, took action despite the odds.

We all have thoughts, ideas, visions we want to act on. You don’t have to give up all you have and live on the streets (unless that’s in your heart to do), but what could happen if you took action on what is in your heart to accomplish at work and at home?

Visualize it.
Express your true goals.
Listen to your inner guide.
If the thought is in you, you can do it.

Hold a plank

I held a plank position for 1 minute today. That doesn't sound like much, but it's hard! My goal for April is to increase it to 2 minutes daily. It will strengthen my shoulders, wrists, core, legs and mental state. And that's what I'm after. To make sure I do it, I've put it on my calendar and have an accountability partner, my friend Sooz. She's committed to do it daily, too. We'll email each other each day after it's done. These built in reminders will help me stick to it. I know I'll be stronger on April 30!      

No, that's not me...yet. It's from http://health.howstuffworks.com/wellness/diet-fitness/exercise/core-abdominal-and-lower-back-exercises10.htm

 

Bogged down blogging

My coach said in response to my objection to blogging weekly that when you add love to being bogged down, you get blogging. She’s right. In fact, when you add love to anything it gets better. I’ve done it numerous times in different situations, and it works every time. For instance, when I’m doing a program and my energy wanes, usually in mid-afternoon, I look at the participants and think, I love these people. Every one of them. They begin to look different. My shift in thinking energizes me and fans the flame I want them to feel about the content. Whether we're talking about believing in you, being a better leader of yourself and others, or streamlining your use of email – no matter the content, audience or location - looking at them with love increases my energy and shifts the way I talk with them. And now look what it's done.....it's helped me write this entry. Thanks, coach!

 

 

 

 

Biking again

Jack and I rode our bikes about 5 miles Sunday afternoon. First time in about 20 years! Felt great. Loved it. I’m so grateful we could ride without hesitation or fear. It felt natural to be riding again. I blocked out thoughts of when I did a power slide onto gravel, wearing shorts, when I was a kid. Instead, I focused on how good it felt, the breeze, warmth, beautiful scenery. When I struggled going up a hill in Winter Park (yes, there are hills in flat Florida), I started counting my pedaling. When it got harder and I didn’t like how I was feeling, I started praying the Hail Mary in time with my pedaling and shifted my thinking to ‘I can do this.’ It worked! Just like when I get in a jam or frustrated, I talk to God or say a prayer and shift my thoughts to a more positive perspective. It makes such a difference. I’m so grateful for that.

I took a 2 mile spin around the neighborhood this morning – I think I’m hooked.   

Performing is short-lived

One of my mentees has been very candid about the way she feels about speaking to large groups. It gives her the hee bee gee bees. We talked about how doing it more will make it easier. Now she's pushing herself to speak to groups, even seeking opportunities. After a recent presentation, she realized that when she thinks about the audience and what will help them understand her message instead of thinking about herself and what she looks like, sounds like, she has a much more positive experience. Her audience is more responsive.

A lot has to do with how we view our situation. Are we performing or are we having an experience? Peter Bregman, my favorite Harvard Business Review blogger, writes:

"If you view life as a performance, your failures will be so painful and terrifying that you will stop experimenting. But if you view life as an experience, your failures are just part of that experience.
What makes a performance different than an experience? It's all in your head.

Are you trying to look good? Do you want to impress others or win something? Are you looking for acceptance, approval, accolades, wild thunderous applause? Is it painful when you don't get those things? You're probably performing.

If you're experiencing, on the other hand, you're exploring what something feels like. Trying to see what would happen if...

When you're experiencing, you can appreciate negative outcomes as well as positive ones. Sure, acceptance and approval and accolades feel good, but those things don't determine success. Success is based on whether you fully immerse yourself in the experience, no matter how it turns out, and whether you learn from it. That's a result you can always achieve regardless of the outcome.

When you're performing, your success is disturbingly short-lived. As soon as you've achieved one milestone or received a particular standing ovation, it's no longer relevant. Your unending question is: what's next?

When you're experiencing though, it's not about the end result, it's about the moment. You're not pursuing a feeling after, you're having a feeling during. You can't be manipulated by a fickle, outside measure because you're motivated by a stable internal one.

Read the article:
http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2013/01/stop-focusing-on-your-performa.html

My New Favorite Thing

I love my new clothes drier! Now when I have sweaters that have to "lay flat to dry," they have an airy, stable, stainless steel collapsible drying rack to rest on in the backyard. Yesterday I used it to air out pillows in the sunshine. From www.organizeit.com

Have you asked yet

How honest are you with your colleagues, staff, friends, family? I’m not talking brutal honesty that is hurtful. I mean candid, constructive feedback.

Years ago I worked for a VP who, when angry about a situation in the hangar (we worked for an airline), would stride back to his office and slam the door hard. It rattled everyone in the area. One day I’d had it. I knew it was his way of letting off steam, but he had no idea the impact it was having on the team and his reputation. I waited until the end of the day and went to his office. I told him I had something to say that I thought he needed to know. I asked if he had any idea what happened when he slammed his door. He didn’t. I described what it felt like to be on the other side of the wall. He asked if he should apologize to everyone. I told him he could, but the best thing to do was stop slamming. He never slammed his door again.

He was a good leader in many ways. I could have accepted “that’s just the way he is” and not said anything. But I believed he needed to know this behavior was damaging his reputation.  

What behavior might be affecting your growth, your reputation? Wouldn’t you like to know? Ask.

When I do Leadership Practices Inventory (LPI 360) feedback sessions, we talk about the 30 behaviors of exemplary leadership. One of the behaviors is: Asks for feedback on how their actions affect others’ performance. It’s an important one that many don’t do often.

It’s not asking “How am I doing?” It’s focused on the other person. “What could I do or do differently that would enable you to do your job even better?” This question (or your version of it) works with teams and at home, too. It takes courage to ask. And even more mettle to listen and respond positively.

Don’t let a door slam on your reputation. Enhance it by asking how your actions affect others’ performance.

If an LPI self-assessment or 360 will help you know how you're doing with the 30 behaviors of exemplary leadership, let's talk.

2,012 things gone

We did it! 2,012 things are gone, given away or tossed. That was our commitment for 2012 and it’s done. The odd thing is: I didn’t think I had that much to give away or get rid of, and I don’t miss any of it! The crazy thing is: there’s more. So, we’re setting our new goal – 2,013 things to go this year. And this time we hit the garage, too. I’m looking forward to it! We kept ourselves going by having a pad where we listed every item we took to Goodwill or tossed. At the bottom of each page, I’d tally the total and show how many more items we had to go to reach our goal. Tracking helped. Giving away clothes and things to Goodwill felt good. I’m doing what others did for me years ago. I remember coming home from school when I was a kid and finding something ‘new’ laying on my bed – a sweater, skirt, jacket. We didn’t’ have a lot of money, so my mother sometimes shopped for my sister, brother and me at St. Vincent de Paul on Long Island. We were thrilled to get gently worn clothes that were new to us. We’ll certainly be going down memory lane when we tackle the garage. Jack said this morning that one of the things we’ll let go of is his father’s WWII trunk. Who knows what we’ll find inside!