Have you asked yet

How honest are you with your colleagues, staff, friends, family? I’m not talking brutal honesty that is hurtful. I mean candid, constructive feedback.

Years ago I worked for a VP who, when angry about a situation in the hangar (we worked for an airline), would stride back to his office and slam the door hard. It rattled everyone in the area. One day I’d had it. I knew it was his way of letting off steam, but he had no idea the impact it was having on the team and his reputation. I waited until the end of the day and went to his office. I told him I had something to say that I thought he needed to know. I asked if he had any idea what happened when he slammed his door. He didn’t. I described what it felt like to be on the other side of the wall. He asked if he should apologize to everyone. I told him he could, but the best thing to do was stop slamming. He never slammed his door again.

He was a good leader in many ways. I could have accepted “that’s just the way he is” and not said anything. But I believed he needed to know this behavior was damaging his reputation.  

What behavior might be affecting your growth, your reputation? Wouldn’t you like to know? Ask.

When I do Leadership Practices Inventory (LPI 360) feedback sessions, we talk about the 30 behaviors of exemplary leadership. One of the behaviors is: Asks for feedback on how their actions affect others’ performance. It’s an important one that many don’t do often.

It’s not asking “How am I doing?” It’s focused on the other person. “What could I do or do differently that would enable you to do your job even better?” This question (or your version of it) works with teams and at home, too. It takes courage to ask. And even more mettle to listen and respond positively.

Don’t let a door slam on your reputation. Enhance it by asking how your actions affect others’ performance.

If an LPI self-assessment or 360 will help you know how you're doing with the 30 behaviors of exemplary leadership, let's talk.

2,012 things gone

We did it! 2,012 things are gone, given away or tossed. That was our commitment for 2012 and it’s done. The odd thing is: I didn’t think I had that much to give away or get rid of, and I don’t miss any of it! The crazy thing is: there’s more. So, we’re setting our new goal – 2,013 things to go this year. And this time we hit the garage, too. I’m looking forward to it! We kept ourselves going by having a pad where we listed every item we took to Goodwill or tossed. At the bottom of each page, I’d tally the total and show how many more items we had to go to reach our goal. Tracking helped. Giving away clothes and things to Goodwill felt good. I’m doing what others did for me years ago. I remember coming home from school when I was a kid and finding something ‘new’ laying on my bed – a sweater, skirt, jacket. We didn’t’ have a lot of money, so my mother sometimes shopped for my sister, brother and me at St. Vincent de Paul on Long Island. We were thrilled to get gently worn clothes that were new to us. We’ll certainly be going down memory lane when we tackle the garage. Jack said this morning that one of the things we’ll let go of is his father’s WWII trunk. Who knows what we’ll find inside!

What holds you back

Most of us hold on to something that holds us back -- a habit that doesn’t serve us well, a commitment that is no longer right for us.

A few weeks ago, my journal opened to a page I had not seen in months -- a mindmap I created after reading What Got You Here Won’t Get You Thereby Marshall Goldsmith. I liked his 20 habits that hold you backand captured them to use in the future.

What hit me right between the eyes was the note I had written to myself:
Key for me: Know what to stop.

I knew why my journal opened to that page. I was struggling with a project I created months ago, unable to finish it. Part of me wanted to stop spending time on it, use that time for bigger future-oriented work, but the other voice in my head (my ego) didn’t want me to ‘quit,’ disappoint others. Whenever I sat down to work on it, soon I’d have ‘monkey brain,’ swinging from one thing to another, focusing instead on what I really wanted to do. It was a mental tug of war, and I was the rope.

‘Know what to stop’ was meant for me that day. I decided then and there that I would stop the project and move on. It was freeing. It was the right thing to do. The handout I’ve been using will suffice, I do not have to write an Outlook 2010 book. Instead I’m focusing on Elevate the Leader in You.

What can you stop doing that will catapult you forward? Not sure? Ask your colleagues, friends, boss, family members, coach to be candid with you and tell you one thing you are doing that is holding you back. Listen. Thank them. Think about what you heard. Then pick one and stop doing it. It will feel right and will move you toward being who you are truly meant to be.

You have it in you

I want to remind you of something you already know in your gut -- you have more potential than you have realized. It’s there within you. But for whatever reason you haven’t fully tapped it…yet.  

I was talking with a client with substantial expertise, but her negative inner voice minimizes what she thinks and does, reminds her of what went wrong, holds her in place, makes her miserable inside. She has so much more potential!    

We all have positive and negative voices within us. To realize our potential we must:   
> Turn UP the volume on the positive – this voice always steer us in the right direction.
> Mute the negative – this voice puts us down, minimizes what we want to do.

Every time I do an ‘Elevate the Leader in You’ workshop, a topic that hits home is: we all have motors and anchors within and around us.
- Motors are people, places, things that lift our thinking, motivate us in the right direction.
- Anchors are people, places, things that hold us in place, weigh us down.

Thoughts are things. Projects are things. Music is a thing. So is reading.

When we focus on our Motors we make better decisions, feel better about ourselves, progress toward our goals. Every small success is a step in the right direction.

It’s not easy to mute the negatives and release the Anchors that weigh us down. They are like Velcro! Always ready to re-attach and hang on, quick to say: I can’t, I don’t have time, I’ll be uncomfortable, I’ll have to go out of my way, They won’t notice, It’s not that important, It’s OK if I don’t – I’m sure you can add more. But it is possible to minimize them. And every small win against an Anchor takes you closer to your bigger goals.    

Try this today:
- Turn UP the volume on your positive inner voice
- Write what you hear
- List your Motors
- Pick one to focus on and take action it     

The client I mentioned is trusting her instincts more, took action despite resistance from Anchors, and has made real progress. You can, too!
 

Around the bend

I took this while driving through Ashley National Forest in Utah. It reminded me of what we face every day: beauty and vibrant life all around us, but we don't know what's around the bend. All we can do is prepare and do our best. 

I met with a woman whose 16 year old son died recently from bone cancer. Diagnosed when he was 12. What a shock for him, his family and friends. But she made the best of it, opening their home to his friends whenever they wanted to visit, day or night. And they came. Often. People from church and school (many she did not know) delivered meals, ran errands, mowed the lawn, walked his dog (the gift he asked for from Make a Wish Foundation), whatever would help when he was going through chemo or in the hospital again.  She said the day he died there must have been a couple of hundred people in and out of their house all day. He stayed as upbeat as he could til the end.

We talked about the benefits of the long goodbye. It almost makes the end easier because it's been coming for so long. I experienced that with my mom with Alzheimer's for 10 years. After doing everything you can to deal with the situation, you have to trust you will be ready for what's ahead.

When we took this long-awaited vacation out west, I thought it would bring wide-open thinking about what I want to do with my business and the rest of my life. I realized I don't have to be out in big sky country to think possibilities and listen to my inner guide. I can do that just as well sitting in our Florida room looking at the beauty of our backyard filled with trees, plants and birds.

The way to prepare for the curves ahead is to connect with our inner guide each day, reflect on what has happened and what is possible. Visualize ourselves handling it well. We never know for sure what will happen, but I believe this strengthens us for the challenges and delightful surprises that are just around the bend.

Customer Service

This was supposed to be the view from our hotel the first night of our vacation on the northern California coast. But when I called to confirm arrival time while we were driving that afternoon, we learned we did not have a reservation. The hotel was overbooked. What? My husband had reserved a room months ahead.

Reminded us of the Seinfeld episode - You know how to make reservations, but you don't know how to keep reservations!

The owner could tell my husband was upset and assured us he did not normally do business this way. Someone new had overbooked the hotel by four rooms that night. To make up for it, he reserved a room for us in another hotel in town. That's not what where we wanted to be, but when he said he had already paid for it and we would be staying the night free, we knew we were dealing with someone who cared about customer service.

I took this photo the next morning when we went over to thank him in person for our night at the other hotel. We saw why his hotel was booked solid. Excellent customer service and a beautiful ocean view. A winning combination.  

A walk in the woods

No matter what is happening in the world, life within the Redwoods forest continues. These tremendous trees, hundreds of years old, have lived through stress and strife, yet serenity prevails. The peacefulness of the trees, the beauty of the flora, the soft sounds and smells were lovely. From huge canopies to teeny insects, life was quietly abuzz. Until other visitors showed up. They came to enjoy the woods, too, but differently. The noise level  jumped and echoed. It was time to go. Plus, we had places to see in the outside world on our two week trek through eight states. Our connection deep within nature was over....for now. But the memory remains.