What holds you back

Most of us hold on to something that holds us back -- a habit that doesn’t serve us well, a commitment that is no longer right for us.

A few weeks ago, my journal opened to a page I had not seen in months -- a mindmap I created after reading What Got You Here Won’t Get You Thereby Marshall Goldsmith. I liked his 20 habits that hold you backand captured them to use in the future.

What hit me right between the eyes was the note I had written to myself:
Key for me: Know what to stop.

I knew why my journal opened to that page. I was struggling with a project I created months ago, unable to finish it. Part of me wanted to stop spending time on it, use that time for bigger future-oriented work, but the other voice in my head (my ego) didn’t want me to ‘quit,’ disappoint others. Whenever I sat down to work on it, soon I’d have ‘monkey brain,’ swinging from one thing to another, focusing instead on what I really wanted to do. It was a mental tug of war, and I was the rope.

‘Know what to stop’ was meant for me that day. I decided then and there that I would stop the project and move on. It was freeing. It was the right thing to do. The handout I’ve been using will suffice, I do not have to write an Outlook 2010 book. Instead I’m focusing on Elevate the Leader in You.

What can you stop doing that will catapult you forward? Not sure? Ask your colleagues, friends, boss, family members, coach to be candid with you and tell you one thing you are doing that is holding you back. Listen. Thank them. Think about what you heard. Then pick one and stop doing it. It will feel right and will move you toward being who you are truly meant to be.

You have it in you

I want to remind you of something you already know in your gut -- you have more potential than you have realized. It’s there within you. But for whatever reason you haven’t fully tapped it…yet.  

I was talking with a client with substantial expertise, but her negative inner voice minimizes what she thinks and does, reminds her of what went wrong, holds her in place, makes her miserable inside. She has so much more potential!    

We all have positive and negative voices within us. To realize our potential we must:   
> Turn UP the volume on the positive – this voice always steer us in the right direction.
> Mute the negative – this voice puts us down, minimizes what we want to do.

Every time I do an ‘Elevate the Leader in You’ workshop, a topic that hits home is: we all have motors and anchors within and around us.
- Motors are people, places, things that lift our thinking, motivate us in the right direction.
- Anchors are people, places, things that hold us in place, weigh us down.

Thoughts are things. Projects are things. Music is a thing. So is reading.

When we focus on our Motors we make better decisions, feel better about ourselves, progress toward our goals. Every small success is a step in the right direction.

It’s not easy to mute the negatives and release the Anchors that weigh us down. They are like Velcro! Always ready to re-attach and hang on, quick to say: I can’t, I don’t have time, I’ll be uncomfortable, I’ll have to go out of my way, They won’t notice, It’s not that important, It’s OK if I don’t – I’m sure you can add more. But it is possible to minimize them. And every small win against an Anchor takes you closer to your bigger goals.    

Try this today:
- Turn UP the volume on your positive inner voice
- Write what you hear
- List your Motors
- Pick one to focus on and take action it     

The client I mentioned is trusting her instincts more, took action despite resistance from Anchors, and has made real progress. You can, too!
 

Around the bend

I took this while driving through Ashley National Forest in Utah. It reminded me of what we face every day: beauty and vibrant life all around us, but we don't know what's around the bend. All we can do is prepare and do our best. 

I met with a woman whose 16 year old son died recently from bone cancer. Diagnosed when he was 12. What a shock for him, his family and friends. But she made the best of it, opening their home to his friends whenever they wanted to visit, day or night. And they came. Often. People from church and school (many she did not know) delivered meals, ran errands, mowed the lawn, walked his dog (the gift he asked for from Make a Wish Foundation), whatever would help when he was going through chemo or in the hospital again.  She said the day he died there must have been a couple of hundred people in and out of their house all day. He stayed as upbeat as he could til the end.

We talked about the benefits of the long goodbye. It almost makes the end easier because it's been coming for so long. I experienced that with my mom with Alzheimer's for 10 years. After doing everything you can to deal with the situation, you have to trust you will be ready for what's ahead.

When we took this long-awaited vacation out west, I thought it would bring wide-open thinking about what I want to do with my business and the rest of my life. I realized I don't have to be out in big sky country to think possibilities and listen to my inner guide. I can do that just as well sitting in our Florida room looking at the beauty of our backyard filled with trees, plants and birds.

The way to prepare for the curves ahead is to connect with our inner guide each day, reflect on what has happened and what is possible. Visualize ourselves handling it well. We never know for sure what will happen, but I believe this strengthens us for the challenges and delightful surprises that are just around the bend.

Customer Service

This was supposed to be the view from our hotel the first night of our vacation on the northern California coast. But when I called to confirm arrival time while we were driving that afternoon, we learned we did not have a reservation. The hotel was overbooked. What? My husband had reserved a room months ahead.

Reminded us of the Seinfeld episode - You know how to make reservations, but you don't know how to keep reservations!

The owner could tell my husband was upset and assured us he did not normally do business this way. Someone new had overbooked the hotel by four rooms that night. To make up for it, he reserved a room for us in another hotel in town. That's not what where we wanted to be, but when he said he had already paid for it and we would be staying the night free, we knew we were dealing with someone who cared about customer service.

I took this photo the next morning when we went over to thank him in person for our night at the other hotel. We saw why his hotel was booked solid. Excellent customer service and a beautiful ocean view. A winning combination.  

A walk in the woods

No matter what is happening in the world, life within the Redwoods forest continues. These tremendous trees, hundreds of years old, have lived through stress and strife, yet serenity prevails. The peacefulness of the trees, the beauty of the flora, the soft sounds and smells were lovely. From huge canopies to teeny insects, life was quietly abuzz. Until other visitors showed up. They came to enjoy the woods, too, but differently. The noise level  jumped and echoed. It was time to go. Plus, we had places to see in the outside world on our two week trek through eight states. Our connection deep within nature was over....for now. But the memory remains.

While her boss was away

An  administrative assistant with a loaded Inbox and a very hectic office decided she needed to improve her email habits. She contacted me for help with Outlook® 2010 and quickly learned what she could do differently. Her boss benefited, too, with shortcuts to deal with the thousands of messages in his Inbox.

These were some of her favorites.  Thought they might help you, too. 
Post in Folder – email is their primary communication on projects. When key points are made by phone and in person, they struggle with where to store that info for easy reference. Post in Folder is their answer. It reduces mental and physical clutter without sending email. [Highlight the folder where you want to post key information. In Home tab, New items, More items, Post in Folder.]
Change the Subject – when an email subject doesn’t describe the content, highlight it and type a new subject.
Create Contacts from email – save significant key strokes by dragging email to Contacts, then drag content to appropriate slots.
Conversation Cleanup – eliminated 1,000 redundant messages in Sent folder.
Categorize emails and tasks – cluster content to clarify next steps.
Customize Tasks and To-Do Bar – stay on top of what must get done with views that work best for you.   

Those were just some of the things we covered in 3 GoToMeetings. She wrote afterwards, “Mary showed me how to use my time more efficiently. She taught me how to organize my work load using Tasks. Her hands-on approach was invaluable. I learned so many shortcuts that have saved me time over and over again.”

If you’d like to streamline your time with Outlook®, or deal more effectively with work and people challenges while elevating the leader in you, I’ll be glad to help you. Let’s schedule a free 20-minute coaching call so you can experience what it’s like. I look forward to hearing from you!

Setting Visible Goals

When I was growing up in New York, my father would make “going to Miami” and staying at the Fontainbleu where Prudential held its annual conference a goal each year. He would do all he could to sell enough life insurance policies to make that goal. Sometimes I was recruited to help him stuff envelopes or put packets together to take to potential policyholders. I remember his MIAMI and SELL SELL SELL signs around his office in the basement, sometimes hanging from the ceiling right near his desk chair so he couldn’t miss them. He was a real advocate of positive thinking making a difference in your life. (I guess I didn't fall far from that tree!) 

We never stayed at the Fontainbleu, but I knew what the hotel looked like and all of its fantastic features from the brochures. The few times we went to Miami with him as a family, we stayed at a small less expensive hotel nearby, Ocean Horizon, while he went back and forth to the conference. I loved that place, the smell of the ocean, the sound of the waves and the swaying palm tress. A few times he arranged for my sister, brother and me to spend the evening in one of his buddies' Fountainbleu rooms while he and my mother went to an event in the ballroom. We three were thrilled to lay on the big bed with lots of pillows watching TV!

He was happy when he made his goals come true, and it psyched him to achieve more next time. He was a great example of always working on improving himself. As I sit here working on my Outlook 2010 book, I'm thinking maybe I should hang some signs. 

Inspire others with your actions

Love this description of leadership:
"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more or become more, you are a leader."  John Quincy Adams, 6th President of the U.S.

What Questions

I met with a client who manages a popular restaurant and is well liked by his team. He wants everyone on his team to shine, but some are inconsistent in their performance and it frustrates him. He dreads having to “be stern” with them because that’s not his style, but he has to address it. It’s eating him up inside.

I suggested he ask them ‘What’ instead of ‘Why’ questions.
-What causes you to do a good job some days and not others?
-What would it take for you to be consistent in your performance every day?
-What impact do you think your performance has on the rest of the team?
His immediate reaction was that maybe something or someone up the line was impacting their job on certain days. He also realized he does not know these employees as well as those who do a good job.   

‘What’ questions usually generate a different response than ‘Why’ questions. I asked him, “What would happen if you met with these employees individually and let them know you are concerned about their performance and asked what you could do to help them be successful?” He thought for a moment, then said he felt a difference in his own reaction to ‘What’ instead of “Why..…” 

This shifted his perspective about what is possible with these employees and with his natural management style. Asking ‘What....’ enables him to be himself to get to the heart of the situation. He doesn’t have to be the dreaded stern disciplinarian.

What would asking ‘What’ questions do for you? I encourage you to try it and see if you get a different reaction.

1,940 things to go

Jack and I committed to giving away or throwing away 2012 items this year. At first I didn't think we could possibly get rid of that many things in our home, but I think it's definitely doable now. We're down to 1,940. I just cleaned out 30 boxes of tea (I used to drink it and many were gifts), and various other food items that were beyond their expiration date. I'd like to say getting rid of 2012 things was my original idea, but it came from our dear friend Ashley who is always challenging herself to measurable outcomes. This one intrigued me because we've been talking about cleaning out the garage (but haven't tackled it yet) for years. I knew having a # and date goal would incent me to let things go. It really has helped! We're keeping a tab in a polka-dot pad in the kitchen so we are reminded every time we see it. It's actually fun to look at things I would normally overlook and think -- we haven't used that, or I really don't like that, and let it go!    

This works

When I'm feeling stuck about something, want to move forward but something holds me back, I use these 5 steps to get my thoughts in order and get energized about what has to be done. I call it VW PAR. I've used this process for years, for myself and my clients, but gave it a name only last year. I'm passing it on so that you can benefit from it, too.   

VWPAR

1) Visualize: Picture what you want to have happen, the result, not the problem. Picture yourself blasting past the challenge to a fantastic finish. See yourself finishing successfully, being the real you. What does that finish look like, feel like, sound like, taste like, smell like? Picture it in detail.

2) Write what you pictured. Start your sentences with "I am..." to put it in present tense, or "I have..." as if you already accomplished it. If you have a hard time starting, particularly if you don’t like to write, then write whatever comes to mind to get the junk out of your head. Once the surface stuff is out, you will be surprised at what comes to mind. Thoughts you would not have had otherwise will bubble up.

3) Prioritize: Write the actions you will take, then number them. Often it's not what you write first that has to be done first. 

4) Act: Do what you prioritized.

5) Reflect: Think about what you accomplished. What went well, what you will do again or differently next time. Visualize yourself doing an outstanding job with it. Then start VWPAR for your next goal!

VWPAR has worked for my clients and for me for years. For big and little things. I hope it helps you, too. 

New Year, Unlimited Possibilities

I believe this year is going to be filled with wonderful opportunities and lots of growth for all of us. We just have to be open minded and willing to stretch our thinking about what is possible. This brief clip makes that very clear. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOlTdkYXuzE&feature=related