“If you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”
Henry Ford

You are a smart donkey

An old story with a current message: Having dirt dumped on you can get you out of a tight spot.

A farmer’s donkey fell into a well. The farmer did everything he could to figure out how to lift the donkey out, but there was no way. It was too deep and the farmer’s equipment was unable to lift that much weight. He called his neighbors to come and help him figure out a way.

The donkey was whining and crying. None of the farmers had hoisting equipment strong enough to lift it out. After many hours of creative idea casting and trying, they decided he would have to die in the well. The farmer sent them home, then reluctantly, slowly started shoveling dirt into the well, feeling awful with every shovel full.

At first the donkey cried and whined even louder. It didn’t like dirt dumped on it, so it shook it off and stomped on it. With each shovel full the farmer dropped into the well, the donkey shook it off and became calmer. It was a very smart animal. As it stepped on each shovel full of dirt, the donkey was eventually raised up. After many hours of shoveling, it was able to step out of the well.

Moral of the story: when dirt is dumped on you, use it to lift you up and out of your difficult situation. 
   

Introverts are outgoing, too

“There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert. Such a person would be in the lunatic asylum.” Carl Jung

I continue to meet introverts who extrovert themselves to thrive in their workplace. These Quiet Leaders (QLs) are quiet at their core, yet speak up, take action, successfully lead teams and companies. 

QLs are managers, VPs, CEOs, and leaders without a title, who accomplish goals with and through others. Some QLs prefer to work independently. Either way, they do their best when they can think before acting. But that doesn’t mean they can’t respond quickly.

An outstanding introverted business owner said, “Sure I can respond in the moment, and I often do, but if you want my best work, give me time to think about my answer. Then we’ll both be more satisfied with the outcome.”

Some QLs push themselves to be more outgoing to get the job done. A QL director at a global company said she had to stretch herself as she was growing in her career. Eventually, she became more comfortable walking into a room filled with people she didn’t know, expressing her opinions in meetings. She, like most accomplished leaders, learned more about herself from every failure and success. Now she knows she’s at her best when she has time on her calendar to re-energize.  

QLs are successful in all types of industries. Well-knowns include: Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg, Marissa Mayer, J. K. Rowling, Meryl Streep, Eleanor Roosevelt, Abe Lincoln. Millions more do good work every day without seeking attention. Years ago I read that Bill Gates would take a pile of yellow pads and a box of pens and head out to the woods for a week alone. That was how he did his best thinking. Alone.  

The QLs I coach are ambitious go-getters who have achieved much in their own unique way to get where they are today. They want to be more aware of the behaviors and blind spots that may be their leadership stumbling blocks. In our calm, confidential coaching sessions, they get candid feedback, develop their ideas and identify next steps. When they act on their commitments, they experience growth beyond their expectations.  

If you are or know a QL who would benefit from drawing out their innate strengths, I have a few six-month coaching packages opening this summer. They can email me at mary@maryTscott.com to schedule a 20-minute call to see if coaching with me would be a good fit for them.

Now, go block some time on your calendar to re-energize in a way that works for you.

Work with people you don't like

When I was in Beijing last month, the participants in my program (all women) had the opportunity to ask a panel of directors (all women) any questions they wanted that would be of value to the group. The group consisted of managers and high level individual contributors with potential to be future leaders at this global company. The panelists were with the company for years, each with unique backgrounds, representing operations, technology and finance.

A question the group asked was: How do you deal with people you don’t like?

Three directors, three personalities, three answers:

Director #1:  Find something to like about the person and focus on that. Everyone has something good in them or something they do that you can find to like. When you do that, it shifts the way you think, and enables you to work better with that person.  

Director #2:  She doesn’t like working with people she doesn’t like, so she avoids them whenever she can.

Director #3:  Find something you like about the person, because you have to work with them, so why resist it? She had a peer who always was at odds with whatever she said or did. She decided to do something about it instead of continuing to allow it to frustrate her. She called and invited that colleague for a cup of coffee so she could get to know her better. They talked about their differences and began to understand each other’s perspectives. Now, a couple of years later, they view each other as trusted allies, they know they can get candid feedback from each other on any topic. They went from being adversaries to becoming friends. It has made a real difference in the way they work.  

Which of the three do you think will be the most successful leader in the future?

If you have to work with someone you view as difficult, figure out a way to get to know what’s really on their mind. What causes them to think and act the way they do? Ask in a 1:1 conversation what they think is going well / not well. Then listen – really listen. Without interrupting. Without interjecting your opinion. Let them know you are genuinely interested in their perspective. By asking for their pros / cons, you are letting them
know you are open to hearing their view of the positives and negatives. You’re not just looking for one side.

 

You may want to think about their input before responding. If so, say you’d like to do that. You don’t have to respond at the moment. Tell them you respect their candor and want to give their views some thought. Then do that. And definitely get back with them. It could be the beginning of a rich dialog that opens up thinking on both sides.

One hop at a time

He hopped on one leg all the way to the water. With ease, strength, confidence. A friend at his side carried a surf board. Until they were knee high in the water. Then it was his.

I was mesmerized by his hopping as my friend and I approached on our four-mile walk along the beach. We had two legs. He had one. Yet he was stronger in many more ways.

Then I saw the leg leaning casually against a chair. Awaiting his return. I was in awe of this man with one leg. Learning to surf.

It made me think, he’s achieving a goal one hop at a time. I can do that, too. 

A couple of stories came to mind.

---Don Bennett, the first amputee to reach the top of Mt. Rainier, battled many challenges to achieve his goal. He did it not just to prove to himself that he could, but to demonstrate to other amputees that they, too, could achieve more than they thought they could.

---Anurima Sinha, shoved from a train in India, then run over by it and left for dead, determined that she would not be pitied for the rest of her life. She became the first female amputee to reach the top of Mt. Everest. (fascinating story)

Both are inspirational. As is my surfer dude.

Being inspirational comes from doing your best, despite challenges and setbacks. Each of us does that. And each of us has more potential within than we give ourselves credit for. We carry around thoughts and ideas that energize us. But then fear, lack of confidence, lack of time, too many priorities, or maybe a fuzzy vision instead of a clear path, holds us back from achieving what we feel called to do.  

For Bennett, Sinha and my surfer dude, their mindset drew them toward their goal. They probably pictured themselves achieving it a million times before getting there. Mindset alone didn’t do it, though. Certainly it stimulated and fortified them. Action took them there. Specific action, broken into achievable steps.

As I think of my goals and challenges compared to what they and others deal with daily, I have nothing to complain about. Nothing. Nada.

I will achieve what is mine to do...one hop at a time.     

 

Your Words Count

I received three cents change yesterday -- three of the shiniest pennies I've ever seen.

Those three shiny pennies made me smile as they reminded me of my mastermind group. I love that group. Three director and associate director level women who have been meeting with me for over a year.

One of my masterminders (I'll call her Leela to protect her anonymity) was asked to speak to a professional women's group at her company.

She told them there is more power in their words than they realize. And the words they choose to express appreciation may have impact far beyond their expectations.

More than 18 years ago, Leela had a boss who expressed appreciation minimally. She believed people were paid to do a job and didn't need to be praised for doing it. When Leela accepted a transfer with the company to another state and told her boss she would be leaving, her boss said, "I am excited for you and disappointed...I'm disappointed because you are my "shiny penny." Leela questioned what she meant. Her boss said she could always depend on Leela to do the right thing, and her conscientious can-do spirit positively influenced everyone in the office. Leela stood out from the rest, like a "shiny penny," and her boss was going to miss that.

Leela was surprised and touched. Now 18 years later that conversation is still vivid in her mind. She pays it forward by using shiny pennies to compliment others. She pastes one to a card, writes a note and sends it to someone who deserves recognition. She doesn't wait until they are leaving to let them know how much they are appreciated.

Leela believes we all start out as shiny pennies. I do, too! Over time, some get dulled from use, some get tossed into a jar and left for years without growing, some even get run over.

On my way back from a walk this morning, I picked up a very shabby penny in the street. It had been through a lot in its life, but despite the grime and scratched edges, a bit of shine peaked through. It made me think how - each of us - no matter how beaten up or dulled we become - we still have a shiny penny within us.

You are a shiny penny. And your words count.

Stacked too tight?

Notice the spaces in this wall. Some might think it is flawed workmanship. Au contraire. The spaces between the boulders in this protective wall around Tokyo’s Imperial Palace are intentional to withstand earthquake tremors. Frequent occurrences, I understand, but hopefully not while I’m here!  

Let's apply this concept to our lives. Building space into our daily patterns will strengthen us to withstand unexpected tremors and life quakes.

Being intentional about these breaks will make us more resilient. In the long run, we'll better protect what's most important.

 

When life rocks our foundation, which it inevitably will, we can remain strong and resilient. Stacked too tight, we're going to crumble.  

 

 

 

 



Be You

From the women I met in Norway last week to the men I met in Jamaica last month, they all had one thing In common: a desire to be their best self. Although different in age, type of organization, level of experience, they were similar at their core. We focused on what they could do to bring out more of their best.

We all strive to be who we believe we have the potential to be. But stuff gets in our way. Negative thinking. Other priorities. Comparing ourselves. Habits we allow to capture our attention.

What I want for you now and in the new year is this.
Open up the real you.
Untie the wrapping. You carry more precious gifts within. Be you.
 
Connect with what you believe is possible for you. Pay attention to it. Nurture it. Set it free.

No one else has your passions, your goals, your aspirations.  
Your thoughts are unique.
Your perspectives are unique.
Your potential is unique.

You have much to contribute in your own way.
Believe in you.

Make 2014 your year to ….. (fill it in).

I believe you have it in you to do it. I’m here for you when you’re ready to make it happen.  

Put your whole self into it

When I facilitated a program for women in Moscow and London on thinking strategically about their career, they had the same work/life balance issues as women in the U.S. 



President Putin's helicopter pad at Kremlin.

• striving to do their best on every project
• determined to be confident, in control, yet not lose their true self
• wondering how to progress toward higher levels when juggling work and home life is a challenge now

I had to chuckle when they said women in the U.S. have more confidence and fewer challenges working their way up in organizations. If they only knew how many women I know who wish they had it easier making an impact in their organizations! I assured them that what they are experiencing is universal.

A woman I’m coaching did something I think is genius. She’s a self-propelled dynamo always setting goals for herself and making lists so she can check them off. When her manager asked for her third quarter plan, instead of including only her work goals, she added her personal goals for the quarter.

• eat healthful snacks daily
• run or workout 1 hour/day to prepare for half-marathon in December
• get 8 hours sleep 5 nights/week

Submitting her quarterly plan with her personal goals noted at the bottom generated conversations about what is important to her whole-person success. Her manager understands her better. She keeps her professional and personal goals top of mind throughout the quarter. And she feels a greater sense of accomplishment as she checks off what is most important to being her true self.

I’m creating a 4th quarter plan with professional and personal goals to help me keep them all top of mind. I'm picturing myself on New Year's Eve toasting to the progress I made. Why don't you join me! 

    

Do you think you can

Years ago no one could run a 4-minute mile. Folklore says the ancient Greeks tried some harrowing approaches, like lions chasing men, to make them run faster. It was believed man could not beat a 4-minute mile. Then in the 1950s, Roger Bannister, a young man growing up in England, ran everywhere instead of walking because he loved to run so much. In college he trained to run faster. At one point he spent ½ hour daily trying to beat his own time. He believed he could run faster and worked at it. Get that? He believed he could and worked at it. He broke the record in 1954. Prior to that, doctors said it was humanly impossible. Soon after, another Brit ran faster than a 4-minute mile. Within a year, hundreds around the world did it. Once they realized it was possible, they were inspired and committed to do it themselves.

What are you capable of that you're not doing?
What do you believe that you're keeping under wraps?
Your mindset, assumptions, belief in possibilities, visioning yourself doing it and working diligently at it are the keys to making it happen.

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." ― Henry Ford

 

The ultimate entrepreneur, Mother Teresa

When I do my Believe in You seminar, my example for “Express your true goals” is Mother Teresa. She exemplifies:  

• express what you truly want to accomplish
• listen to your inner guide
• be open to possibilities not in your original plan

All Mother Teresa wanted to do was become a nun and teach. She achieved that. But when she rode the school bus to chaperone students picked up at their homes, her world changed. On those early morning rides, she saw poor families waking up on the streets of Calcutta. What really grabbed her heart were the trucks scooping up those who had died during the night. She felt compelled to do something. She asked her Mother Superior, but the answer was no. Their convent and school were set up to teach, with limited funding. They could not care for the poor, too. Mother Teresa understood but was frustrated.

She pondered, prayed and visualized what she could do. Then went to Mother Superior again. She was told that if she wanted to work with the poor she’d have to leave their nunnery because that was not their mission. She continued teaching, with the people of the streets on her mind. One day traveling by train, the little voice within her (we all have one) said clearly and directly that she had to care for them.

She resigned, not a simple thing to do. Left the comfort of her nunnery. With one white sari and one coin in her pocket, she walked out to the streets she had traveled by school bus. Her reputation spread as she tended to those dying in the streets where they lived. She begged at homes and businesses for money and supplies. She truly cared, could be trusted, had no hidden agenda. Soon, a few former students gave up what they had and worked alongside her. Thus began the Missionaries of Charity.

Mother Teresa became an international phenomenon caring for the poorest of the poor so they could die with dignity. She was the little nun that could. A humble powerhouse, with a vision brought to life.

The ultimate entrepreneur: she saw a need, visualized possibilities, believed she could make a difference, took action despite the odds.

We all have thoughts, ideas, visions we want to act on. You don’t have to give up all you have and live on the streets (unless that’s in your heart to do), but what could happen if you took action on what is in your heart to accomplish at work and at home?

Visualize it.
Express your true goals.
Listen to your inner guide.
If the thought is in you, you can do it.

Hold a plank

I held a plank position for 1 minute today. That doesn't sound like much, but it's hard! My goal for April is to increase it to 2 minutes daily. It will strengthen my shoulders, wrists, core, legs and mental state. And that's what I'm after. To make sure I do it, I've put it on my calendar and have an accountability partner, my friend Sooz. She's committed to do it daily, too. We'll email each other each day after it's done. These built in reminders will help me stick to it. I know I'll be stronger on April 30!      

No, that's not me...yet. It's from http://health.howstuffworks.com/wellness/diet-fitness/exercise/core-abdominal-and-lower-back-exercises10.htm

 

Bogged down blogging

My coach said in response to my objection to blogging weekly that when you add love to being bogged down, you get blogging. She’s right. In fact, when you add love to anything it gets better. I’ve done it numerous times in different situations, and it works every time. For instance, when I’m doing a program and my energy wanes, usually in mid-afternoon, I look at the participants and think, I love these people. Every one of them. They begin to look different. My shift in thinking energizes me and fans the flame I want them to feel about the content. Whether we're talking about believing in you, being a better leader of yourself and others, or streamlining your use of email – no matter the content, audience or location - looking at them with love increases my energy and shifts the way I talk with them. And now look what it's done.....it's helped me write this entry. Thanks, coach!

 

 

 

 

Biking again

Jack and I rode our bikes about 5 miles Sunday afternoon. First time in about 20 years! Felt great. Loved it. I’m so grateful we could ride without hesitation or fear. It felt natural to be riding again. I blocked out thoughts of when I did a power slide onto gravel, wearing shorts, when I was a kid. Instead, I focused on how good it felt, the breeze, warmth, beautiful scenery. When I struggled going up a hill in Winter Park (yes, there are hills in flat Florida), I started counting my pedaling. When it got harder and I didn’t like how I was feeling, I started praying the Hail Mary in time with my pedaling and shifted my thinking to ‘I can do this.’ It worked! Just like when I get in a jam or frustrated, I talk to God or say a prayer and shift my thoughts to a more positive perspective. It makes such a difference. I’m so grateful for that.

I took a 2 mile spin around the neighborhood this morning – I think I’m hooked.   

Performing is short-lived

One of my mentees has been very candid about the way she feels about speaking to large groups. It gives her the hee bee gee bees. We talked about how doing it more will make it easier. Now she's pushing herself to speak to groups, even seeking opportunities. After a recent presentation, she realized that when she thinks about the audience and what will help them understand her message instead of thinking about herself and what she looks like, sounds like, she has a much more positive experience. Her audience is more responsive.

A lot has to do with how we view our situation. Are we performing or are we having an experience? Peter Bregman, my favorite Harvard Business Review blogger, writes:

"If you view life as a performance, your failures will be so painful and terrifying that you will stop experimenting. But if you view life as an experience, your failures are just part of that experience.
What makes a performance different than an experience? It's all in your head.

Are you trying to look good? Do you want to impress others or win something? Are you looking for acceptance, approval, accolades, wild thunderous applause? Is it painful when you don't get those things? You're probably performing.

If you're experiencing, on the other hand, you're exploring what something feels like. Trying to see what would happen if...

When you're experiencing, you can appreciate negative outcomes as well as positive ones. Sure, acceptance and approval and accolades feel good, but those things don't determine success. Success is based on whether you fully immerse yourself in the experience, no matter how it turns out, and whether you learn from it. That's a result you can always achieve regardless of the outcome.

When you're performing, your success is disturbingly short-lived. As soon as you've achieved one milestone or received a particular standing ovation, it's no longer relevant. Your unending question is: what's next?

When you're experiencing though, it's not about the end result, it's about the moment. You're not pursuing a feeling after, you're having a feeling during. You can't be manipulated by a fickle, outside measure because you're motivated by a stable internal one.

Read the article:
http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2013/01/stop-focusing-on-your-performa.html

My New Favorite Thing

I love my new clothes drier! Now when I have sweaters that have to "lay flat to dry," they have an airy, stable, stainless steel collapsible drying rack to rest on in the backyard. Yesterday I used it to air out pillows in the sunshine. From www.organizeit.com

Have you asked yet

How honest are you with your colleagues, staff, friends, family? I’m not talking brutal honesty that is hurtful. I mean candid, constructive feedback.

Years ago I worked for a VP who, when angry about a situation in the hangar (we worked for an airline), would stride back to his office and slam the door hard. It rattled everyone in the area. One day I’d had it. I knew it was his way of letting off steam, but he had no idea the impact it was having on the team and his reputation. I waited until the end of the day and went to his office. I told him I had something to say that I thought he needed to know. I asked if he had any idea what happened when he slammed his door. He didn’t. I described what it felt like to be on the other side of the wall. He asked if he should apologize to everyone. I told him he could, but the best thing to do was stop slamming. He never slammed his door again.

He was a good leader in many ways. I could have accepted “that’s just the way he is” and not said anything. But I believed he needed to know this behavior was damaging his reputation.  

What behavior might be affecting your growth, your reputation? Wouldn’t you like to know? Ask.

When I do Leadership Practices Inventory (LPI 360) feedback sessions, we talk about the 30 behaviors of exemplary leadership. One of the behaviors is: Asks for feedback on how their actions affect others’ performance. It’s an important one that many don’t do often.

It’s not asking “How am I doing?” It’s focused on the other person. “What could I do or do differently that would enable you to do your job even better?” This question (or your version of it) works with teams and at home, too. It takes courage to ask. And even more mettle to listen and respond positively.

Don’t let a door slam on your reputation. Enhance it by asking how your actions affect others’ performance.

If an LPI self-assessment or 360 will help you know how you're doing with the 30 behaviors of exemplary leadership, let's talk.

2,012 things gone

We did it! 2,012 things are gone, given away or tossed. That was our commitment for 2012 and it’s done. The odd thing is: I didn’t think I had that much to give away or get rid of, and I don’t miss any of it! The crazy thing is: there’s more. So, we’re setting our new goal – 2,013 things to go this year. And this time we hit the garage, too. I’m looking forward to it! We kept ourselves going by having a pad where we listed every item we took to Goodwill or tossed. At the bottom of each page, I’d tally the total and show how many more items we had to go to reach our goal. Tracking helped. Giving away clothes and things to Goodwill felt good. I’m doing what others did for me years ago. I remember coming home from school when I was a kid and finding something ‘new’ laying on my bed – a sweater, skirt, jacket. We didn’t’ have a lot of money, so my mother sometimes shopped for my sister, brother and me at St. Vincent de Paul on Long Island. We were thrilled to get gently worn clothes that were new to us. We’ll certainly be going down memory lane when we tackle the garage. Jack said this morning that one of the things we’ll let go of is his father’s WWII trunk. Who knows what we’ll find inside!

What holds you back

Most of us hold on to something that holds us back -- a habit that doesn’t serve us well, a commitment that is no longer right for us.

A few weeks ago, my journal opened to a page I had not seen in months -- a mindmap I created after reading What Got You Here Won’t Get You Thereby Marshall Goldsmith. I liked his 20 habits that hold you backand captured them to use in the future.

What hit me right between the eyes was the note I had written to myself:
Key for me: Know what to stop.

I knew why my journal opened to that page. I was struggling with a project I created months ago, unable to finish it. Part of me wanted to stop spending time on it, use that time for bigger future-oriented work, but the other voice in my head (my ego) didn’t want me to ‘quit,’ disappoint others. Whenever I sat down to work on it, soon I’d have ‘monkey brain,’ swinging from one thing to another, focusing instead on what I really wanted to do. It was a mental tug of war, and I was the rope.

‘Know what to stop’ was meant for me that day. I decided then and there that I would stop the project and move on. It was freeing. It was the right thing to do. The handout I’ve been using will suffice, I do not have to write an Outlook 2010 book. Instead I’m focusing on Elevate the Leader in You.

What can you stop doing that will catapult you forward? Not sure? Ask your colleagues, friends, boss, family members, coach to be candid with you and tell you one thing you are doing that is holding you back. Listen. Thank them. Think about what you heard. Then pick one and stop doing it. It will feel right and will move you toward being who you are truly meant to be.

You have it in you

I want to remind you of something you already know in your gut -- you have more potential than you have realized. It’s there within you. But for whatever reason you haven’t fully tapped it…yet.  

I was talking with a client with substantial expertise, but her negative inner voice minimizes what she thinks and does, reminds her of what went wrong, holds her in place, makes her miserable inside. She has so much more potential!    

We all have positive and negative voices within us. To realize our potential we must:   
> Turn UP the volume on the positive – this voice always steer us in the right direction.
> Mute the negative – this voice puts us down, minimizes what we want to do.

Every time I do an ‘Elevate the Leader in You’ workshop, a topic that hits home is: we all have motors and anchors within and around us.
- Motors are people, places, things that lift our thinking, motivate us in the right direction.
- Anchors are people, places, things that hold us in place, weigh us down.

Thoughts are things. Projects are things. Music is a thing. So is reading.

When we focus on our Motors we make better decisions, feel better about ourselves, progress toward our goals. Every small success is a step in the right direction.

It’s not easy to mute the negatives and release the Anchors that weigh us down. They are like Velcro! Always ready to re-attach and hang on, quick to say: I can’t, I don’t have time, I’ll be uncomfortable, I’ll have to go out of my way, They won’t notice, It’s not that important, It’s OK if I don’t – I’m sure you can add more. But it is possible to minimize them. And every small win against an Anchor takes you closer to your bigger goals.    

Try this today:
- Turn UP the volume on your positive inner voice
- Write what you hear
- List your Motors
- Pick one to focus on and take action it     

The client I mentioned is trusting her instincts more, took action despite resistance from Anchors, and has made real progress. You can, too!